Lessons in Copywriting: How to Improve a Marketing Email

A lot of marketing emails suck. I think that’s largely because email marketing is so easy to do…and that makes it so easy to do poorly.

Even those emails sent out by big companies fall short. Why? Because too many of them are written from the marketer’s perspective, and that’s a turnoff for a prospect.

So here’s help: If you’re a freelance copywriter or a marketer, read on for an example of a typical marketing email (names changed to protect the innocent) and my critique of it.

This was an email that a client was using as the first in a drip campaign:

Subject line: Great seeing you online at Such-and-Such Event

Hi {{first_name}},

We were both at the virtual Such-and-Such Event, and I hope you got a lot out of the conference.

This on-demand webinar may be of interest to you, and I wanted to get it on your radar.

After you watch, I’d love to get together to discuss how ABC Company can help you and your organization.

I’ll call you soon to follow up,

Name

I picked apart the email piece by piece, starting with the subject line. Here’s how…

First things first: The original email said nothing about the webinar content. I learned what it was about by clicking on the link, and the topic was definitely of interest to the target audience.

Therefore, I suggested the client make the subject line something related to a pain point or something else of interest to the prospect. The webinar content had to do with the pandemic and an increase in cyberattacks. So I suggested the subject line be more like: “How the pandemic means more cyberattacks.”

That becomes the topic of the email too. Instead of the email being about “Hey, we were at the same conference and I want to try and sell you something,” it becomes “Hey, this webinar might be useful to you.”

Then the start of the marketing email:

Hi {{first_name}},

We were both at the virtual Such-and-Such Event, and I hope you got a lot out of the conference.

First off, this is what I call a warmup paragraph, and we typically shouldn’t start with it. It was also a little creepy because it was obvious these people hadn’t met in any way at the virtual conference. The salesperson got the prospect’s name from the event organizers, I’d bet…which is another good reason not to start this way because it makes it obvious it’s a cold email.

I suggested they start with something of interest to the prospect and jump right into the webinar topic.

And since the original email didn’t even give the title of the webinar, I suggested they include that and some reasons to watch it.

I also said that the sentence “This on-demand webinar may be of interest to you, and I wanted to get it on your radar” was too wishy washy because—again—the original email didn’t even describe the webinar.

Then the marketing email jumped right into a pitch with, “After you watch, I’d love to get together to discuss how ABC Company can help you and your organization.”

Yikes! That is making some assumptions. The salesperson didn’t give any reasons for watching the webinar, but then jumps straight to essentially “I’d love to give you a sales pitch.”

Then the email says, “I’ll call you soon to follow up.”

I think it’s too soon to say they’ll follow up with a call or to ask for a meeting. It would be better to close with a reminder that the prospect’s business is at risk and simply a “let me know if you want to know more.”

Then send another email or two or three as part of the drip campaign.

To recap, here’s the original email:

Subject line: Great seeing you online at Such-and-Such Event

Hi {{first_name}},

We were both at the virtual Such-and-Such Event, and I hope you got a lot out of the conference.

This on-demand webinar may be of interest to you, and I wanted to get it on your radar.

After you watch, I’d love to get together to discuss how ABC Company can help you and your organization.

I’ll call you soon to follow up,

Name

And if the client took all of my advice, here’s how it would read:

Subject line: How the pandemic means more cyber attacks

Hi {{first_name}},

The pandemic has turned our world upside down. We feel vulnerable economically and physically. But COVID-19 has also put your business at risk with a change in cyberattacks.

To learn how, see our on-demand webinar “The Pandemic and the Threat to Your Business” featuring John Smith, former CEO of XYZ Company. This webinar will show you:

• Compelling bullet point
• Compelling bullet point
• Compelling bullet point

The time to prepare for a cyberattack is before one happens. I hope this webinar helps you to prepare.

Let me know if you want to learn more and I’ll be in touch to answer any questions.

Sincerely,

Name

Do the differences stand out to you? I hope so. My rewrite:

• Gets to the point—and it’s a point that prospect cares about
• Offers helpful information
• Doesn’t come across as a sales pitch
• Comes across as being from someone who cares

Now the real key to making this work is remembering this email is the first one, and those that follow can build on this first one. It’s like dating: You need to start slow. (For ways to do automated or drip email marketing better, get this ebook.)

Was that helpful? I hope so!

 

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio: https://www.pexels.com/photo/adult-frowned-male-writer-working-on-typewriter-at-home-3772623/