What’s wrong with this sentence?

“As interest in keeping her healthy increases, it bodes well for companies to do their part—for their customers, employees and their bottom line.”

The writer got a little confused about the theirs, I guess. They didn’t need that second their before bottom line. It’s clutter. Plus it’s weird to put their before customers and bottom line but not before employees. That makes it seem like the employees could work for any company, I guess.

The sentence is better without the extra their because it’s both consistent and we’ve cut the clutter:

“As interest in keeping her healthy increases, it bodes well for companies to do their part—for their customers, employees and bottom line.”

Or even written like this because at least this is a consistent use of the word their:

“As interest in keeping her healthy increases, it bodes well for companies to do their part—for their customers, their employees and their bottom line.”

And I admit I like it better with the additional their. Reading it out loud, it has a nice flow and it emphasizes each of the three subjects: the customers and the employees and the bottom line.

I think if they had taken a minute to re-read the sentence out loud before sending it out into the world, they would have heard the inconsistency. It only takes a minute to double check our writing. And double check we should!

Sharon Ernst is a retired freelance copywriter now on a mission to improve the business and marketing writing skills of today’s workforce with her blog, newsletter and online classes.